


Waiting is the Hardest Part

by tobeconspicuous



Series: Everyday Heroes [1]
Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Superheroes/Superpowers, Amanda & Fin make a brief appearance, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff, M/M, Rita isn't featured but is mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-08
Updated: 2017-07-08
Packaged: 2018-11-29 15:30:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,182
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11443782
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tobeconspicuous/pseuds/tobeconspicuous
Summary: When you can see glimpses of the future like Rafael Barba can, waiting is the hardest part.





	Waiting is the Hardest Part

**Author's Note:**

> I honestly didn't expect to be publishing something again so soon. But here I am, continuing into the depths of the AU fics... I hope you all enjoy something completely different for this fandom.
> 
> Many special thanks to Robin Hood (kjack89) for their wonderful conversation, support and acting as a beta for this (and probably all future) fic. All the good bits can be attributed to them. Any mistakes are mine and mine alone.
> 
> I do not own, only enjoy them, and I hope you do to. Feedback is very much appreciated.

Rafael was furious.

A mistrial had been declared due to the fact one of the jurors had failed to disclose that they were a Super. Rafael might have been able to argue that fact away if said juror hadn't been telepathic, requiring an automatic mistrial.

The case had already been difficult, a woman with Super strength raped by a non-Super. Her body had betrayed her, she had frozen during the ordeal. Throughout the trial she had continued to blame herself for what had happened and even without his ability to see into the future, Rafael knew the victim would be dropping the case. After John Buchanan, advocate for non-Supers (and defender of the worst kind of scum), had made the victim break down on cross there was no way she would be willing to go down that road again.

As he packed his things away he avoided looking at the victim or at the SVU detectives counseling her. That didn’t stop Carisi from walking over to place a hand on Rafael’s shoulder, accidentally brushing against the attorney’s neck as he did so.

A flash of the future came to him: _ A cold winter's night spent drinking cocoa and huddling against the detective. Matching gold rings sparkled in the firelight as they clinked their mugs together. _

Unfortunately all it took to trigger one of Rafael’s visions was akin to skin contact. Usually he wore gloves for this reason, his ability to see his future interactions with others. However in the courtroom non-Super jurors could feel threatened by an obviously Super Attorney, so he would leave them in his briefcase. 

"Sorry Counselor," Carisi said, immediately taking a step back and raising his hands up. "Didn’t mean to touch you."

Rafael’s heart fluttered as he looked at his future husband. "Just don’t do it again."

He watched as the detective walked away wondering when the man would actually ask him out. He knew it would be one summer, but he didn't know when. The worst thing about being able to see your future interactions with another was watching the man you knew you were going to grow old with fall in love with someone else. It was an old hurt now, hearing Carisi talk about the girl he was seeing, and Rafael got through it by sustaining himself on the hope his visions gave him. 

But Rafael didn't expect the way his heart shattered later that week when the detective announced his engagement to a Miss 34B. 

 

\--

 

The first time Rafael met Sonny Carisi’s fiancée was at their engagement party. When he walked in the room the detective bounded over, dragging her behind him. She and Rafael were about the same height, and she had light brown hair that cascaded past her shoulders, almond shaped eyes and a tiny, almost painted smile.

Carisi’s own smile was large and he seemed to radiate happiness. "Counselor, this is Katarina, my fiancée. Katarina, this is ADA Rafael Barba."

"Barba! I’ve heard so much about you!" she squealed and lunged at Rafael, grabbing his gloved hand and shaking it vigorously. She then quickly reached further up his arm and grabbed his wrist with an expectant look in her eye.

_ A flash of himself sitting in the back of a large church, watching a woman in a flowing white wedding dress walk towards the alter. His chest felt tight as she reached her intended, her father kissed her goodbye and shook her future husband’s hand. Standing together under the light of God, Detective Carisi and his bride looked the perfect picture. _

Rafael yanked his limb back with a scowl. "Do you mind?" 

"Oh I am so sorry!" She didn’t sound the slightest bit repentant. "Sonny told me all about you, did you see anything about me?"

He forced a smile. "You will look lovely on your wedding day, both of you." A wave of relief rushed over him as he spotted Olivia and Noah. "Thank you for your hospitality."

Rafael ignored the detective’s obvious discomfort at the situation and forced himself to calmly walk over to Liv and her child.

"Uncle Rafi!" Noah squealed, his little arms reached out towards him.

Rafael forced a smile and patted the child on the head before he turned to face his mother. "How are you two enjoying this fine evening?"

"He wants a hug Rafael," Olivia smirked, and she picked up the toddler and held him out to Rafael. "And after that interaction I am sure you do too." Rafael tentatively took Noah and held him against his hip, his confidence with the child grew as Noah did. "Are you okay after that?"

The look on Rafael’s face clearly indicated he was not. "After she grabbed my hand without permission? Expected me to tell her the future?"

Olivia rolled her eyes. "At least Carisi looks concerned." Rafael looked across the room at the detective. When their eyes met, the younger man’s cheeks went pink and he turned back to his fiancée. "How are things going there? Have you told him his future yet?"

Rafael tore his gaze away from the detective before turning back to his friend. "The future can change Liv, it isn’t set in stone." His tone was final.

"Rafael," Olivia began, Rafael cut her off by handing Noah back to her.

"Just don"t, Olivia," He refused to think about it anymore.

 

\--

 

Rafael was trapped at his desk by a mountain of paperwork. He had switched from sipping from a mug to drinking directly from the pot. Some idiot teenagers had thought it would be fun to test out their newly gained powers on some unsuspecting classmates and the encounter had gotten out of hand. Being one of the few Supers in the DA’s office it usually fell on him to work out the legalities of which laws the teens were protected under and which they could be tried for.

A knock on Rafael’s door distracted him from the piles of paperwork on his desk. "Not now, Carmen."

"Sorry Counselor." Since Carisi’s engagement party, he had been avoiding the other man, but unfortunately, the detective clearly had other plans. “I have some files for you.”

Rafael looked up at the expectant detective. “Just put them on my desk, I’ll look at them later.” He waved him off.

“Counselor.” Carisi’s voice sounded strained as he strode forward and placed the files on Rafael’s desk as directed. “I just wanted to say that I am sorry for the way Katarina treated you the other day. I’ve had words with her and she won't touch you without your permission again.”

Rafael could feel his eyes roll. “Why thank you Carisi,” he said, his tone refusing to be anything but sarcastic. “Anything else?”

Carisi seemed flustered, his brow furrowed and he took a deep breath. “I just...” He stepped towards Rafael. “I ah, wanted to make sure you’re okay with everything.”

“I am fine detective, you may go.” He rose from his desk and waved off the other man.

“Wait, Barba—”

Carisi tripped and stumbled into Rafael, knocking their foreheads together. Rafael’s vision turned white and then red. _ He was inside Olivia’s office, from the window he could see Carisi flashing photo’s of his wedding, his wife and their honeymoon. He looked serene, a perfect picture of happiness. _ Rafael could feel tears prick the corner of his eyes.

He felt the other man rest a hand upon his clothed arm. “Counselor?”

“I’m fine, Carisi,” Rafael jerked away from the detective’s soft touch. “Just go.”

Carisi made no effort to move. "You know I am an empath, right? I can sense that you’re lying."

Rafael huffed. “Carisi—”

The detective was unperturbed. “Look, I’m just saying that maybe you should talk to someone rather than closing yourself off. You need to deal with everything sooner rather than later.”

Rafael was finding it harder to block out the detective. A sinking feeling began to form in his stomach. “What are you talking about?”

“I can feel how stressed you are,” Carisi continued, Rafael knew that the detective was trying so hard to not embarrass him. “Take some time to work out what you actually want.”

_ I want you _ , Rafael thought. “I am fine, Carisi, stressed, yes, but fine,” is what he actually said.

“Look, I know I am the last person you want to talk about this to but—”

“Yes, you are,” Rafael scowled. “Now please just leave.”

Rafael stalked over to the other side of the room and opened the door to his office. The detective gave him a sad look before walking out. Refusing to acknowledge the dull throb in his chest. Rafael slammed the door behind him. One day he would have to deal with his feelings, but today was not that day.

 

\--

 

The ceremony was beautiful, traditionally Catholic in one of the largest churches on Staten Island. Flowers and white ribbons had been hung along the pews, providing simple but beautiful decoration. Rafael had sat in the back of the church with Olivia and Noah, and Olivia, ever the good friend, had taken his gloved hand at the start of the ceremony and had yet to let go. Rafael was grateful to her for helping him remain grounded as the man he loved pledged himself to another. Finally the priest began the Concluding Rite and with a final ‘praise be to god’ on everyone’s lips the ceremony was over.

Olivia’s hand remained latched to Rafael’s as the two stood to watch the bridal party recede from the church. Their families followed and even Rafael had to smile when Sonny’s sister Bella made his two-year-old niece wave at them. Once the families exited, Rafael gave his friend’s hand a final squeeze before leading her from their pew to the front of the church.

They politely waited in line for their turn to greet the newlyweds. Rafael’s breath caught in his throat every time he heard Sonny’s laughter ring out over the noise of the crowd. “I heard her dress was thousands of dollars.”

Rafael turned towards Fin’s familiar voice as he and Rollins approached them. The detective was holding her daughter who was dressed in a frilly pink dress. “Tens of thousands,” Rollins corrected.

In sync, the group turned to the happy couple. The bride was wearing an absolutely stunning gown, lace covered and accenting her figure perfectly. Her hair was pinned in curls which wafted gently down her back, and in her hand a bouquet of white roses and baby's breath. When the SVU team finally arrived she let out an ungainly squeal, kissing them all on the cheek.

Rafael was flooded with images: _ her and Sonny announcing her pregnancy to the squad filtered through his mind. Sonny never looked happier as he excitedly divulged the details of their upcoming ultrasound appointment. _ Eventually Rafael was drawn out of the future memory by the man himself apologising for his wife.

“I’m sure he doesn’t mind,” Katarina giggled, brushing off the concerned look on her husband’s face. “Did you seen anything exciting?”

Rafael forced a smile onto his face and gave the young woman a wink. “Now that would be telling.”

Sonny forced a laugh, shook Rafael’s gloved hand and thanked him and the rest of the squad for coming to the Ceremony. Then there was a honk of a car and the bridal party were ushered into a long black limousine.

As he watched the couple drive away Rafael felt relieved he was not invited to the reception. He kissed Olivia and Noah goodbye and nodded in acknowledgement at the rest of the SVU squad. Then he turned and walked away, promising himself that he would get over his heartbreak one day at a time.

 

\--

 

Rafael was running late again. He had a hectic few weeks preparing for a double homicide and was on his way to meet Rita Calhoun to attempt and negotiate his way to a satisfactory plea deal. He pulled his Blackberry out of his pocket and shot a quick text to the defense attorney to let her know he was on his way. He then stepped out onto the curb and collided shoulder first with someone, the other person grabbed his wrist to stop him from falling.

_ Flashes of stolen kisses behind closed doors ran through his mind. The passionate removal of clothing and limbs intertwined together _ . “Sorry, Counselor,” a familiar Staten Island drawl pulled him back to the present.

“Detective,” Rafael’s voice shook as he wrenched himself away from the other man.

“First time you see me in weeks and that is all you have to say?”

Rafael felt his face flush at the truthful accusation. Once he had heard that the young detective had returned he had gone out of his way to avoid going into the precinct unless Olivia had specifically requested to do so. Even then he had ensured he was with a suspect or in Olivia’s office anytime the detective was near. He had become more relaxed recently as he was told that Carisi wouldn’t be around the office for a while since he was on an undercover assignment. “I thought you were on the job?”

“I am,” The younger man blushed. “I shouldn't even be talking to you.”

Rafael cocked an eyebrow. “Well, good luck.”

Carisi’s smile was genuine. “Thanks.” he turned to walk away but quickly spun back to face Rafael. “Promise me we’ll have lunch when I return to duty.”

Rafael thought of the curious vision he had, and this time he flashed a genuine smile at the Detective. “I promise.”

 

\--

 

Several weeks, and a lunch or two later, Rafael entered the precinct with a skip in his step. Carisi’s undercover work had paid off and Rafael had managed to negotiate an overly generous plea with a legal aid attorney and was looking forward to announcing it to the squad. Unfortunately, his happiness was short lived when he saw Carisi standing in the squad room with his wife. He breathed in deeply, reminding himself of the last vision he had when the detective’s hand last grasped his.

Carisi enthusiastically waved him over. “Counselor, you remember my wife.”

Rafael walked over and nodded. “Lovely to see you again.”

Surprisingly, Katarina didn't rush to grab Rafael’s hand for once. She looked at him, a smirk plastered across her face. “Now that everyone’s here we have an announcement: we’re pregnant!”

Everyone in the squad cheered. Rollins rushed over to hug them both, Fin shook Carisi’s hand and flashed a smile. Olivia shot Rafael a quick look of concern before offering up her own happy words. Memories of his last vision itched at the back of his mind, as he looked between the detective and his wife Rafael resolved to be just as underhanded as the woman herself was. He made a show of adjusting his gloves before walking towards Carisi and offering his hand and a kind word.

As the detective shook his hand the glove slipped off slightly and Rafael made sure to gently press the skin of his hand against the detectives. He saw a vision, similar to one of the first ones he had regarding the younger man.  _ A summer afternoon, ice cream melting down his hand, the younger man laughing as they were caught in the rain, kisses shared at sunset in a park, saying a long drawn out goodbye and never wanting to let go. _

This time Carisi was the one to yank his hand away. “Sorry Counselor.”

Rafael gave the detective a small smile before adjusting his expression. “No problem at all, the fault is all mine  _ this  _ time.” He gave Carisi’s wife a small nod before he walked towards Olivia’s office, beckoning the Lieutenant to follow.

“You okay, Rafael?” she asked, her concern clear.

His smile was genuine. “I actually am.” He directed her to sit down and they discussed the plea that had been made. On occasion Rafael would catch a glimpse of the happy couple. Even though it hurt now, he knew at some point in the future their relationship would be over. Rafael wasn’t one to dwell, but that slightly spiteful thought made the day go faster.

 

\--

 

Rafael walked into Forlini’s ready to slide onto his regular stool and order his usual drink, only to find that it was occupied by a desolate looking blond detective. Rafael cautiously made his way over before sliding into the seat next to Carisi. “Detective.”

The other man barely looked up to acknowledge him. “Counselor.”

Rafael eyed the other man before flagging down the bartender and ordering himself a drink. “Everything okay?”

“Sure.”

“Carisi.” When Carisi didn’t answer him, Rafael tried again, his voice soft. “Sonny.”

“M-my wife.” Rafael’s heart sank at the tremble in Carisi’s voice, and had the horrible thought that maybe she had died. Suddenly he felt guilty for all the silent rejoicing that he had been doing behind closed doors. “She cheated on me.”

“What?” So many scenarios had run through Rafael’s head, but Carisi’s wife being unfaithful was never one of them.

“She cheated.” Carisi spat the words, but couldn’t disguise the hurt in his voice as he added, “The baby isn’t mine.”

Rafael hesitated before asking, “Are you sure?”

“I was undercover for three months, she’s sixteen weeks along, not twelve like  _ she  _ thought. You may not think highly of me-” Rafael winced at the self loathing in the young detective's voice. “-but I can do math.”

“Oh… I am so sor—”

“Save it,” Carisi said, taking a long drink. “I know you’re not.”

“I am.”

Carisi gave him a look. “You’re in love with me, you have been for a long time.”

Rafael thought about denying it, but then remembered that Carisi could sense when he was lying. “Well, yes, but that doesn’t make me less sorry.”

Carisi stared at him. “Why?” he asked weakly. “How?”

“I’m sorry?”

“How could you love someone like me? My own wife couldn’t stay faithful for even a year.”

Rafael shook his head and gave the answer impatiently, like he couldn’t believe that he had to explain this to Carisi. “You’re smart, brave, loyal, intelligent.”

“Sure,” Carisi scoffed.

“And every time I touch you, all I can see is us growing old together.”

Instantly Sonny reached over, he ran his fingers teasingly over Rafael’s gloved hand and then and grabbed his bare wrist, triggering the visions:  _ flashes of visits to the park, of little feet and voices shouting ‘Daddy’ and ‘Papa’, of nights curled together reading books, of wrinkled hands entwined together walking along the beach. _ Rafael closed his eyes as the visions washed over him, and he projected all his feelings, all of the happiness he knew would come to the younger man, opening his eyes to watch as a small smile crept across the man's face.

Carisi carefully withdrew his hand and took a deep, steadying breath before telling Barba, “I-I’m not ready yet.” He hesitated before adding, “I’m not sure I will be for a long time.”

“I’ll wait for you.” Rafael’s face broke into a genuine smile. “After all, we have forever.”


End file.
